How to Stand Tall in a World That Tells You to Shrink

Claiming your voice in a culture that profits from your silence is one of the boldest acts of self-love.

Have you ever been told you’re “too much”? Too loud, too quiet, too ambitious, too emotional, too different? If you’re young today, chances are you’ve already been asked—directly or indirectly—to shrink. To take up less space in a classroom, a group chat, or even in your own dreams.

It’s exhausting. And it’s unfair. Because the truth is, the world doesn’t need you smaller. It needs you whole.

Mark Nepo, a poet and spiritual teacher, often writes about the courage to live authentically. His words remind us that life is not about fitting into someone else’s container—it’s about pouring fully into your own. That message matters now more than ever.

So how do you stand tall when so many forces—from beauty standards to online pressures to family expectations—tell you to fold yourself down? Let’s break it down.

1. Recognize the Messages That Shrink You

Before you can resist shrinking, you need to see where it shows up. Shrinking looks like apologizing for existing. It looks like laughing off a microaggression, or deleting that post you loved because someone called it “cringe.”

The culture profits from making you doubt yourself. Whole industries are built on selling you the idea that you’re not enough—not pretty enough, not smart enough, not successful enough.

Nepo calls this the “noise” of the world, the constant pressure that pulls us away from our own center. Recognizing the noise is step one. Once you name it, you can decide not to let it own you.

Ask yourself: Whose voice is this, really—mine, or someone else’s?

2. Build a Daily Practice of Standing Tall

Standing tall isn’t just about confidence in big moments. It’s a daily choice, like brushing your teeth. And like any practice, it gets easier with time.

Some small but powerful ways to do this:

• Speak your name clearly. Don’t mumble or shorten it unless you want to.

• Sit up in class or at work. Posture tells your body and brain you deserve space.

• Set micro-boundaries. If a joke stings, say, “That’s not funny to me.”

• Celebrate tiny wins. Post that outfit selfie, share that poem, send that email.

Nepo writes that each of us carries a light. Standing tall is about letting that light out, even in everyday ways. You don’t have to wait for a “big stage” moment. Your stage is right now.

3. Surround Yourself With Expanders, Not Containers

Who you hang around matters. Some people are containers—they try to box you in, keep you predictable, small, and convenient. Others are expanders—they cheer when you grow, even if it makes them uncomfortable.

Think about it: Which friends celebrate when you do something bold? Which ones roll their eyes? Which teachers or mentors see you, really see you?

Nepo reminds us that love is not about possession but recognition. If someone loves you, they’ll want you to become more of yourself, not less. Surround yourself with expanders, and you’ll feel less pressure to shrink.

4. Redefine Strength for Yourself

The culture will try to sell you one version of strength: dominance, perfection, power over others. But there’s another kind—the one Nepo often points to—that’s quieter, deeper, and more real.

Strength is:

• Asking for help when you’re drowning in assignments.

• Coming out, even if your voice shakes.

• Leaving a toxic relationship, even if it hurts.

• Choosing rest, even when the hustle culture says otherwise.

Standing tall means defining strength on your own terms, not the world’s.

5. Remember That Shrinking Hurts Everyone

This isn’t just about you—it’s about all of us. Every time a young person shrinks, the world loses a unique perspective, a new idea, a needed challenge to the status quo.

Think about the movements that have changed history. They were started by people—many of them young—who refused to shrink. Students who marched. Girls who demanded education. Queer youth who claimed their right to love.

Your courage doesn’t just free you—it frees others. Nepo calls this “the ripple of being true.” When you stand tall, you give others permission to do the same.

Standing tall isn’t about pretending you’re never scared. It’s about refusing to let fear, shame, or pressure decide who you get to be. It’s about remembering that you are not here to fit in—you’re here to live out the full truth of who you are.

As Nepo might say, the task is not to avoid the world’s noise, but to stay rooted in your own music. The world will always try to make you smaller. Your job is to keep expanding anyway.

So, next time someone tells you you’re “too much,” take a breath, lift your head, and remember: you were never meant to shrink.